The Perversity of Thanksgiving

Posted by Seth Kramer on Wednesday, November 22nd 2006 at 10:49pm


Last year I retold the story of Thanksgiving but this year I thought I'd focus on the more bizarre parts of Thanksgiving.

In America Thanksgiving has several traditions. Yes there's the dinner where family members drawn together by love, tradition, and the mutual desire to overeat and watch football in a tryptophan-induced coma, and some of us just love to have the day off but I'm talking about our other traditions.


Florida can't even count the goddamn votes on a simple ESPN thanksgiving poll.

There's the annual turkey pardon by the President. A tradition that started with Harry Truman in 1947. The president marches out an obsese bird, bred for the sole purpose of being eaten ("DEAD BIRD WALKIN'!") and uses his Article II, Sec. 2 power of the pardon to sentence them to life in prison without parole a judicious action, particularly for a man who, to my knowledge, hasn't seen fit to vacated the death sentence of a single human since he's been in office as President or Governor.


Turkey seen here committing an impeachable offense.

Then there's the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. A three hour parade in New York with balloons, bands, performances including the reanimated corpse of Carol Channing, and insipid television commentary.


SHE'S ALIVE, OH MY GOD SHE'S ALIVE!

Then there's Black Friday, the official beginning of the Christmas shopping season--though you'd never know it since the Christmas decorations have been out since late September at your local mall-- It's American consumerism (reads: overconsumption) on crack. Where Tickle Me Elmo and a 2,000 inch TV are worth way more than your personal safety or even comfort. By god there's shit to be bought and we're going to be there. People who can't otherwise be bothered to vote or contribute to their community because their time is valuable are all waiting outside the store for 2 hours.


The aftermath of either Black Friday or an H-bomb.

Anyway, here's to you and yours on this Thanksgiving Day.

I'm feeling a super-bad headache
I'm spinning lots of Spanish talking