Report of the SethKramer.com Iraq Study Group

Posted by Seth Kramer on Wednesday, December 6th 2006 at 12:57pm


As you may have heard on the news today is the day the Iraq Study Group (aka the Baker-Hamilton Commission on the Mess o'Potamia) released it's report. Now the president is widely believed to be ignoring this report because he's got like 2 other commissions he's set up to tell him everything is going just super (thanks for asking). Anyway since the President, for what is possibly the first and only time, is open to new ideas. I thought we might convene the SethKramer.com Iraq Study Group and release our findings today as well.

No we don't have porn-obsessed former Regan-era AG Ed Meese, or everyone's favorite toothless Democrat Lee Hamilton (available for your faux bipartisan commission needs), but we've got some ideas, and damn good ones. So here goes nothing. Here is the official findings of the Sethkramer.com Iraq Study Group:

Findings of Fact:
-The War in Iraq is a huge clusterfuck, boondoggle, and foreign policy disaster
-We never would have gotten into it if President Dumbass had actually listened to his father
-It is, was, and continues to be a massive waste of taxpayer dollars
-No time machine presently exists

Recommendations:
Build a Time Machine - Use the entire federal budget and a collection of scientists with proven success in the field of time travel including Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future), Ashton Kutcher (The Butterfly Effect), Jean Claude Van Damme (TimeCop), and Keanu Reeves (Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure) to build a time machine.













or alternatively

Reanimate the corpse of Christopher Reeve and make him fly so fast around the world it spins backward (a la Superman II) to one of the below dates.

Go back in time to March 2003 and don't start the damn war.

or alternatively

Go back in time to November 7, 2000 and elect Al Gore (only this time make it count).



I'm feeling full to bursting with tea
I'm spinning Marlene Dietrich - Falling in Love Again