Top 10 Stories of '06

Posted by Seth Kramer on Saturday, December 30th 2006 at 11:32pm


Every News Outlet and their brother is, or will be running their best of 2006 stories because, frankly, nothing is going on from Christmas to New Year. Except for the death hat trick that was James Brown, Gerald Ford, and Saddam Hussein. Anyway I thought I'd throw in my two cents on the top 10 stories of 2006, and the aspects of them that didn't seem to get much coverage

1. Dubai Ports World - All the congresscritters were demagoguing this issue. A state-owned Arab company had just gotten approval to manage several American ports. In the end Congress went out of its way to tear this from their hands. The company eventually agreed to divest itself of this holding.

What wasn't covered? There weren't any large American port companies, so this was eventually bought by the huge American Insurance Group (AIG). I don't know about you but given the choice between potential terrorists and insurance companies. I'll take potential terrorists any day.

2. The Mohammed Cartoon - A Danish newspaper ran some editorial cartoons of the prophet Mohammed and there were riots in the street. Apparently you're not supposed to draw Mohammed.

What wasn't covered? The irony that the cartoons were about how violent Islam seems to have become, and that they were greeted by (tada) violence.

3. Miami Terror Group - Homeland Security and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales were touting a potential terrorist group captured in Miami that were allegedly plotting to blow up the Sears Tower.

What wasn't covered? This group had planned to finance themselves by selling hair products on the streets of Miami, and were most interested in getting themselves some boots and thought they needed uniforms. If these were terrorists, they certainly weren't top notch terrorists.

4. Dick Cheney bags his limit of attorneys - Dick Cheney shot a 70 year-old man in the face...with a gun.

What wasn't covered? Just how likely are you to be "accidentally" shot based upon your profession? I'm guessing attorneys get "accidentally" shot a lot.

5. Mel Gibson's Drunken Ravings - Mel Gibson gets pulled over for drunk driving, rants about the Jews. Calls officer "Sugartits".

What wasn't covered? SUGARTITS?! What's that all about? Mel, explain yourself.

6. Spanish National Anthem Rewrite - Spanish speakers write a new version of the National Anthem in Spanish.

What wasn't covered? A disappointing number of Americans believe the last two words of the national anthem are "PLAY BALL".

7. Extraordinary Rendition - It came out that the US was responsible for handing over prisoners to foreign nations known to support torture. Euphemized as "extraordinary rendition" it brought public outcry from people who oppose torture, pansies.

What wasn't covered? Just what the hell is an ordinary rendition?

8. Anything related to Tom Cruise or Katie Holmes - Way too much damn Tom Cruise for me.

What wasn't covered? ...Seriously I'm drawing a blank here...I think they pretty much covered everything.

9. Internet is a series of tubes - Senator Ted Stephens lectures the Senate on how the Internet isn't just something you dump something on, it's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes.

What wasn't covered? How many times has the Senator attempted to download porn in the bank drive through?

10. Michael J. Fox's Campaign Ad - A lot was made of Michael J. Fox's campaign ad for a Missouri Senate candidate who backed a stem cell research ballot initiative, especially by everyone's favorite talk radio pill-popper Rush Limbaugh.

What wasn't covered? What ever happened to Family Ties Sister Jennifer, played by Tina Yothers?