One More Time Mr. Dobbs
Posted by Seth Kramer on Friday, September 28th 2007 at 5:38pm
"BOB GARFIELD: Now, network president, Jonathan Klein, has said to The New York Times that, in essence, that the Dobbs approach will only be on the Dobbs show. And presumably he means that it would never fly on Wolf Blitzer's show or Paula Zahn's show.
LOU DOBBS: Well, they're quite different people than I am, as you know.
BOB GARFIELD: I understand. But why should you have a different set of journalistic standards applying to you?
LOU DOBBS: Well, immodestly, let me say one of the reasons would be my experience, my education, my analysis of the issues and the empirical evidence, and a demonstrated record of, frankly, of knowing what I'm talking about."
-Interview on NPR's On The Media (11/17/06)
LOU DOBBS: Well, they're quite different people than I am, as you know.
BOB GARFIELD: I understand. But why should you have a different set of journalistic standards applying to you?
LOU DOBBS: Well, immodestly, let me say one of the reasons would be my experience, my education, my analysis of the issues and the empirical evidence, and a demonstrated record of, frankly, of knowing what I'm talking about."
-Interview on NPR's On The Media (11/17/06)
So Lou, it's time we had a chat. I get your whole "throw the bums out" philosophy with the illegal immigrants, but it's not practical and you seem to think anyone who speaks Spanish is an illegal immigrant. What you need to know is that the vast majority of latinos didn't cross the border, or as you're fond of calling it "our porous borders" In fact on more than one occasion the border crossed them. And when that happens, they're not immigrants, technically they're native Americans, like more native than you and I. So now I've got to dust off the history books to help explain.
The Louisiana Purchase
Once upon a time there was a big area of land west of the Mississippi, about a quarter of the US. This land was settled by the *drumroll* Spanish in 1762. Well along came this badass French military genius (did I just blow your mind with the phrase French military genius?) who was scaring the bejesus out of Spanish because he'd kind of invaded Italy, took Pope Pius VI prisoner, seized parts of what is now Germany, and well he was their neighbor. So they decided in order to keep him from invading, they would give him that land in "The New World". SPOILER ALERT: He eventually invaded anyway.
So Napoleon was hard up for cash to build ships so he could attack the Brits. You know how it goes, too much
West Florida
President Madison said it was ours, so it is. Joy of joys Pensacola and Mobile, Alabama would be ours, all ours. Viola, more Latinos.
The Adams-Onis Treaty
Also known as the Florida purchase. Basically we promised that we'd leave what is now California, Nevada, Texas, Arizona New Mexico, and parts of Oklahoma and Colorado alone. Bet you can't guess how that went. I'll give you a hint...
Texas Annexation
A few years after Mexico had established it's independence the people of Texas decided they didn't want to be no stinky old Mexicans in 1837. Well the folks in Washington said, "Hey didn't we say we'd leave that alone a few years ago? We're gonna pass 'cause that'd piss off the Mexicans something fierce." Then 6 years later everybody forgot and tacitly declared war on Mexico, but hey, we got the state George W. Bush was from, so that's a plus, right?
As you could imagine Mexican dictator Santa Ana didn't think that idea was so hot, and it eventually lead to freedom being on the march out West.
Mexican-American War
Ever wonder why California, Colorado, Arizona, Nevada have those funny names, well New Mexico should be a hint that things didn't work out so well for our friend Santa Ana. Mexico agreed to give up what is now Utah, Nevada, California, and parts of Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, and Wyoming. In exchange we agreed to pay $15 million and I'm pretty sure we promised not to drink the water. There you have it, more Mexicans, Lou.
The Gadsden Purchase
So by the 1850s we wanted a little more Mexican land and some peacenik named Jefferson Davis (Yeah, THAT Jefferson Davis) in the War Department said why don't we pay for it instead of starting another damn war already. No wonder the Confederates lost. Anyway so we bought Tucson, Yuma, and that little pointy part on New Mexico. And here we go again with the Mexicans.
The Spanish-American War
So then the Cubans declared independence, and Spain didn't know what to do, and we were kind of worried about our interests there so we stationed a warship who's name I can't remember. Well long story short there was a booboo, and word starts spreading that Spain did it (Gulf of Tonkin anyone?). So there we are helping the Cubans fight for independence. Eventually all the Spanish are expelled and Cuba is turned over to it's citizens. Things would remain forever peaceful and Cuba would enjoy positive relations with the US forever more, except...
There was this little island we sort of kept in our back pocket, and for the last hundred years or so it's had a bit of an identity crisis, but the 4 million people of Puerto Rico speak primarily Spanish.
So Lou, being a man of compromise I'd like to offer this one. If our border crossed them at least 7 times, they get to cross ours 7 times. What do think man? Write me back.
I'm feeling a headache
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