What'd I miss?

Posted by Seth Kramer on Wednesday, April 2nd 2008 at 10:39am


Wow so much happened and I was completely overwhelmed. So lets review the topics I missed. If you are in possession of a television set and ear drums you heard the Jeremiah Wright statements played ad nausem on the networks. I do believe on one particular day Fox News replaced the O'Really Factor with an hour long tape loop of Pastor Wright's greatest hits. One would never know the difference between the two anyway.

In order to address Wright's remarks Sen. Obama gave a speech on race invoking his rich Wonderbread eatin' white heritage, and his equally rich (I can't go there and we both know why) African heritage. The speech was well recieved by the pundit class, the only people who have time to listen to a 40 minute long speech. They took it to heart how we shouldn't sieze opportunities to divide one another by race, but work together to achieve a "more perfect union". The pundits then promptly began to disect the racial break down of the votes in Ohio and Texas and concluded that he has a problem with poor white men--my two cents, it's more likely they have a problem with him.

Then Obama went on vacation for a couple of days. In the interim Sen. Clinton told a great story about how she landed a flight on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the night, while taking sniper fire, then she swam to the shores of Bosnia while carrying Sinbad (The Comedian not The Sailor) and Chelsea (Her daughter, not the football club) on her back (Note: this is funnier if you know that Bosnia is landlocked. See? Reread it, I'll wait). Turns out that may have been a slight exaggeration, but everything was fixed when she simply explained she'd "misspoke". A few days later Sen. Clinton tried the old "Bosnia, what bosnia? Did somebody say something about that pastor?" trick, and it didn't work.

Then Democrats started to agonize over how long this race it taking and try to come up with a billion different ways to say "Hill, sweetheart, it ain't gonna happen." Michigan and Florida floated ideas about voting, but when it came down to it there really wasn't any consensus in the states, let alone from the two candidates. Florida thought it would be a great idea to do a mail-in vote. Democrats the world over were understandably a little itchy about a state like Florida getting creative when it comes to voting.

In the end there likely won't be a revote, and the candidates will have to come up with some way to seat the delegates in a fashion that makes them completely inconsequential because Florida and Michigan are incapable of following simple instructions.



Now Dems are thinking there's really no point to these contests but we have to let them vote otherwise they feel stupid and unimportant like they would in any other primary that didn't last 9 months. Superdelegates are watching the candidates club the hell out of each other while McCain raises money and tries not to die.

Speaking of McCain he had a little booboo the other day when he said Iran was training Al-Qaeda and sending them into Iraq. Other than the fact that Al-Qaeda is about 2% of our problem in Iraq. There's a larger issue: Iran is a Shia theocracy. Al-Qaeda are radical Sunnis. Sort of like saying Northern Ireland was training radical Protestants to go disrupt the Catholic church. He was quickly corrected by his best buddy in warmongering, Joe "I sound like the father from ALF" Lieberman. Then he accidentally equated Purim, one of the High Holy Days, with Halloween. Note to Sen. McCain: Jews. Not so wild about the Pagan holidays. Mmmkay? Still at least he didn't say Easter.



But this probably didn't get much press because the media were too busy stuffing their faces at McCain's BBQ. To the extent that they're paying attention at all, they're far more interested in implosion of the Democratic party because Hillary Clintabee doesn't know when to gracefully step aside. Sen. Leahy tried to nudge her along the other day, and it was not appreciated. Hey, at least she didn't tell him to go f--- himself. So what if she has no hope? By God she's going to stay in just as long as she can to take Obama down a few pegs in hopes of making him lose, and running again in 2012. Bad news, Dems hate losers. You lose the nomination, you lose the presidency. We don't tend to want to see you again. Sorry Hillary. This is probably your only chance, and Democrats will remember you as the woman with the relentless ego who put self above party and nation. Congrats! Here's to Supreme Court Justice Phil McGraw!



The worlds hardest: game